Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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