You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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