Umm I'm too high to move.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
