i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
