on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
