haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize