Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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