But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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