how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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