did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
