My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
