so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How does it feel to date your dad?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
