im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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