garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
