I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
