dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
