Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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