; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
