Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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