YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize