I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he fucked my hip out of place.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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