Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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