sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize