She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
