could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
sarcasm needs its own font
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
