What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize