His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize