maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
