I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
