saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
