Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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