tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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