Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
