I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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