his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
