does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Randomize