hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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