I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize
