I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
this just has baby written all over it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize