she woke up with a sticky ear
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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