I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
