u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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