summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
