I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
