moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
