After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
