the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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