Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you had me at cake vodka
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
