her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He passed out mid-signature
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
