I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize