I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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