My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
