just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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