Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
A+ Viking dick
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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