I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
