I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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