Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
