You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
