Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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