Barsexuality is the new black.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
