Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
