please come you make the beer taste better
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
