Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We just shotgunned beers for America
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
