I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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