I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
