okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
