i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
