puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Two words: blizzard sex
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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