I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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