tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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