I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
