You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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