the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
3 2 1 whiskey
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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