Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize