I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
